From my new book, Connecting: How Affective Leadership and Affective Living Build Relationships and Change the Future...due
in 2010.
Mastery begins with understanding who one is and where one wants to go. Maybe the most important
idea in this book is that Leadership is who we are - not just what we do. Knowing who we are, who we want to be,
and how we want to make a difference is the first step to mastery of any area. During a recent trip to Paris, I enjoyed an insight I thought was
meaningful. On previous trips to the City of Lights, I remained in the usual tourist areas: Île de la Cité,
Montmartre, Le Marais, etc. I had seen tall modern buildings to the north of the city, but I had no desire to see them. I
wanted to enjoy my image of Victor Hugo’s “best of times” without, of course, the barricades. I wanted the
reassurance of the wide boulevards, the museums, the architectures and the markets. In 2008, because we participated in a home exchange
and stayed in Courbevoie, a suburb of the city, we visited the area called La Defense, which is that modern section of the
city I thought I wanted to avoid. I emerged from the metro stop to see tall buildings and modern sculptures. I found energy
there that was very different to the tourist areas I had seen before. The buildings, stores and the people working in them
could have been in Chicago or New York. After a short time, I reluctantly realized that I knew Paris better. I had seen parts of the city that I did not previously
care to see, but seeing them gave me a better understanding of a place I thought I knew well. I saw that this area was as
much a part of Paris as the tourist sites I had seen on the hop on- hop off- bus tours or boat trips on the Seine. This realization made me think
of human relationships, which are also limited to seeing only certain parts of a personality. I thought of a friend and colleague
I had known for years. Each of us remained completely professional through many years of working together. We said the right
things and behaved as we thought appropriate. We were careful not to make disparaging or flip comments even when we were thinking
them, and rarely showed a lighter side. When we began working together more closely and felt more comfortable being ourselves, we laughed more, and we began
expressing more of our less serious assessments. We felt freer to make flip comments or voice concerns we would
previously have kept to ourselves. I found that I enjoyed being with this co-worker much more, and I thought I knew him better.
In the end, we worked together more effectively. Carrying this a step further, I believe it is important to look at parts of ourselves we may want to see. Being
open to all parts of self and others brings one closer to Mastery. It also requires being authentic and possessing a deep
curiosity and desire to understand. Mastery means making the important connections using many of the skills I have described
in this book.
8:42 am est
Reinventing Yourself
Job loss. Retirement. Death
of a spouse. Divorce. Empty Nest. Desire for change. Each significant
life event creates a need to reinvent oneself. Each event establishes us as a different person in the world. However, we are
often ill- equipped to face the changes required to reinvent ourselves successfully.
In this time of upheaval, unprecedented for most of us, it is important to assess how to deal with significant change
whether sought or imposed. Often, our first response is to ask, “What will I do?” “How will I function?”
“What are my next steps?” However, after working with many women and men in transitional situations, I believe
it is important to postpone the what until after dealing with the how and why.When tentative or fearful, it is difficult, but important, to recognize the possibilities often hidden in change –
even devastating change. From severe crisis comes opportunity - for improved circumstances, personal growth, or other more
significant life events. A thorough analysis of a variety of options allows a greater likelihood for successful transition
- to become a newer, and preferably better, version of the old you. In addition, when dealing
with significant life change, I suggest that the first step should be to consider the emotional impact. A sound understanding
of how emotion works for us - and against us - is essential to successful transition. According to brain research, it is impossible to make decisions without contact with the emotional center of
the brain. Even if we are extremely rational human beings, emotions control our decisions and our behaviors. If fear is the
dominant emotion, we concentrate upon protecting ourselves. If we are angry, retribution or revenge may influence decisions.
Decisions and behaviors made under the influence of these types of emotions may not serve us. On the other hand, if we are joyful or even resigned to a significant life change, decisions and behaviors are very
different. Not only do emotions determine behavior, but they also affect how others perceive and interact with us. Particularly in times of stress, it is easy to think that emotions are fixed. However, with a deeper
understanding of emotions and their impact on us, it is possible to make better decisions and alter the affect of significant
life changes.
10:41 pm est
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2009.03.01

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Working together to expand possibilities and enhance
success...
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LMBoyer@LeadershipOptions.com
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Seeing La Defense
- a part of Paris I did not care to see, caused me to reconsider relationships with self and others.
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